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Saturday, August 2, 2008

Divorce Rate, Another Rising Graph!!

Increasing number of divorces prompted me to write this post. The rate is going high with such a pace that it seems the time is about to come when number of divorces would be overshooting the number of marriages. It is believed people who are married tend to be happier than those living alone. We marry because we need someone who can be our friend rather more than a friend for the lifetime. That someone can be better described as our "soulmate". Marriage is all about living together, sharing all the sorrows and joys. In simpler words marriage is all about "growing old together". When nobody is around, one should still be able to find someone besides oneself at all times.. Thats marriage.. Though its better to be alone than to have an unhappy marriage..
But why do people have unhappy marriage? Today when people know whom they are actually getting married to (be it arranged or love), they still want to split up after tying up the knot.

One of the major reason behind it is that in todays era girls are emerging as successful people in their respective fields. In past a woman was confined to home making and her life was nothing beyond kitchen. She had no view point of her own and even if the guy comes out to be the wrong one, she was compelled to adjust with him by the so called society and family. But today she is successful in her field and she is clear about her long term aims. Even if she is homemaker, she knows what she wants from life. But men haven't changed much with respect to change in women. Many of them still want to rule their respective halves. Though its not their fault entirely, they have been brought up in this fashion. There are the men who want to have a wife with the modern attire and historian mind. And when things dont turn out the way they want, fights emerge from nowhere turning into battles. Thank God with the boom in ecomnomic structure, Indian woman has become self sufficient and financially independent and she has learned to come out of exploitative, suffocating and frustrating marital relationships with that useless husband. Women of today must become mentally tougher and strive to rule this male dominated world, where marriage is broken by the groom's side just because of deficient dowry. Another cruel but true aspect behind divorces.

Another reason can be the high expectations. Both girl or the boy shows best of himself/herself during the courship period making the other person partially blind raising expectations. And when these expectations are not fulfilled after marriage, that person becomes frustrated. And hence many small frustrations forces one to sign up the divorce papers. One must realise, that knowing somebody over years and living together, is altogether a different scenerio. With the zing of modernisation, minds of people are craving for more. The time has come when they want more from their lives. They want more from their work, their jobs and they want more from their marriage too. And they look for someone out of the marriage and get themselves indulged in infedility. when earlier this was prominent in men, today women are no less. Their excuse is they want to have a look over some pizzas and peppy pastas apart from regular conventional daal roti. They feel they want more attention. Even if it equals from the two people!! When everything changes , why not values too!! Tempraments of people too are changing to a great deal. We all have become short tempered. In these busy schedules, nobody has time for anything, not even time to save a marriage. No one wants to adjust a bit. There are couples who feels that they differ in all aspects and cant walk a single mile together. And shockingly many of them realises this in a month after tying up the knot. After a few disputes, they find themselves inapropriate match for each other. No body realises that to make a relationship flourish one needs time. No two people on earth have exactly same viewpoints. Even children who are born and brought up by the same family in exactly same fashion have entirely different outlook from each other. So how can we expect our spouse to understand us just in a flare of seconds without giving him/her time at all. There are other factors too like forced marriage of boy/girl by the family due to the fear of society, which results in either frustrated marriage, divorce or sucide. With the change in time, things are changing, people are changing, so are the priorities. We have forgotten if marriage means bells, flowers, joys divorces are all about pain, turmoil and frustration. We have come from a joint family system and we are heading towards being the nation of divorced and frustrated. We have to realise what examples are we setting up before next generations. We have to teach our kids the true meaning of marriage viz. respect, understanding and adjustment. Today we need a genuine commitment in marriage. One should thoroughly think over before getting into a commitment as it is a lifetime decision. Its better to save a marriage for first time as its lot more tougher the second time. Though no one must ever compromise where the issue streches up to one's self respect and its better to move off than to stay..
Pay heed to details before its too late..


  1. uh huh...ya nicely written...its really idiotic d way marriages are goin kaput!
    lets hope this blog gets some sense in every1 who reads it..
    aap to social work k raaste nikal gayi!

  2. I strongly feel for few things and such kinda ignorance in relationship disturbs me.. I have been watching so many marriages on the verge of breaking up without any efforts from any of the sides to retain them!!
    And since its a serious issue of concern, i felt like writing a bit.. and just hope people will realise what they are getting into before actually taking a step further!! :)

  3. Nicely thought out... isn't this a paradox, on one side you talk about benefits of economic independence of women .. which saves them from facing issues post marriage..

    On other side both partners being so independent and demanding more from life, has made them such that they walk away from relationships without putting enough effort..

    Such a paradox.. i think people (specially women) have become more practical in their thinking than ever. Which means the main force of emotions and feelings that used to keep a marriage intact has gotten diluted. Its difficult to maintain it when you are working like a machine and running behind materialistic pleasures.

    Economic growth and capitalistic markets bring these social issues with them..


  4. ya in a way its contradicting. But c its like as with marriage u cant ignore ur proffessional life likewise with work, marriage never becomes less importance.. When initially women had no choice in a bad marriage, now she can easily move out if her self esteem hurts!!

    So yeah, this is all i wanted to convey here that when initially women was the only medium to keep marriage intact, now with economic and capitalistic growth and growth in her independence, men must equally work for the marriage too. With the success of proffessional life our personal life must not become secondary and now not just woman but both man and woman must work hard to keep this thread away frm breaking off!! :)

  5. One more thing i wud like to add here. I have seen men who intially want to have wifes with good aggression on proffessional front, well earned and ambitious, who later on compell them to leave the job and their career for the sake of family. Which results in frustration in women and from there to whole family and is at times a great cause behind bad marriage or divorces..
    So the change must be proportional in both the genders. Man must realise that woman is not a thing who can be moulded as and when required in desired shape but she has her own dreams and expectations from life too. Before stepping into marriage one must be very clear of what he/she wants from the life, thereby minimising the frustrations and all!!

  6. Looks like this is what you are saying?

    Today's marriages tend to fail more because women now actually have the option to walk away from a marriage when unhappy, which may often be 'cause of unmet high expectations set by the wooing period?

    Umm yeah, I agree, to an extent.

    I completely agree that Indian marriages used to work earlier not because for any other major reason, but the people weren't left with a choice. Even if they were unhappy, they _had to make it work [and it went for both the man and the woman].

    It takes a great deal of maturity and understanding and of course, love, for two people to be able to adjust with each other. Instead of developing that in our people, we just decided to take the easier way and made them social outcasts if they even _thought about anything but staying together.

    So, as I said, I agree, to an extent. This problem, like so many more plagueing our country, is a lot more complex than just a page worth of explanation.

  7. That was the shortest answer I've ever had to a page long comment ;)


Thankyou for your feedback :)

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