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Sunday, September 23, 2012

Why do women get attracted to bad men?

According to a common notion women knowingly or unknowing get attracted to bad ones in the lot. Many of them do, especially the ones who have lived it all decent life till now. Is this a myth or a fact?

He is bad who is:
A rebel, haughty, does what he feels without caring about the world around him, prioritize himself in everything, takes everyone else for granted, abuse a lot, not emotionally vulnerable, unmindful to woman’s need, doesn’t treat her nicely and uses her for sex with no emotional strings attached.

On the other hand Good man is the one who takes good care of a lady, who is decent and devoted, helpful, meeting almost all her demands. In a nutshell he is like a 'gilt fund' with expected returns, no loss and no risk.
A guy, for the matter of fact any person, with all good and no bad- Does Not Exists.

Are we women Gamblers? Are bad guys really bad and good ones really good? Or good guys are trying to make them look bad? Do women like to be used and abused? No sane woman would want a life full of uncertainty, getting abused with no expected returns on her emotional investment. May be the attraction can work for a while but in long run if taken a wrong path, relationship may not work! Hence, there are other reasons that are working behind their fatal attractions. Let us find out.

What is good about Bad Folks?
Girls tend to get attracted to somebody who has a strong personality, an opinion of his own and has confidence- this portrays an unabashed masculinity. The same way in which men get attracted to  femininity.

Sometimes good guys turn out to be the people with lack of self-confidence, and lack of life in them. They, at times, act like eccentrics not ready to think about something they are not familiar with. On the other hand so called bad guys seem strong, fun, confident, fighters in adversities and non-judgmental (I don’t care attitude). Remember Rhet Butler in a famous classic novel “Gone with the Wind”? (He is a perfect example of a bad guy who turns out to be a fighter in adversities). Sub consciously women want to explore it all and yet want to be safe from the cruel world. They tend to get attracted to the bad ones.
So a good man may not be that good to live with, with his fickle mind, eccentric temperaments and non-experimenting attitude.
Hence, gentlemen can take the above mentioned attractive traits of bad ones to win their lady’s love interest. Women work with their subconscious mind while selecting their mates. Survival of the fittest works here best!

P.S. There may be some disagreements. You are invited to post your views with reasonable explanations.
Question: Why do guys tend to run after the ladies they can't get, leaving the accessible ones?

Note: Not all women get Attracted to Bad ones! Author of this post has tried to dig out the reason behind the ones who do!
Image courtesy: Google

33 comments:

  1. Ah !! My fave topic . you made some interesting point about Bad guy coming across more confident . thats one of the factor but reality is slightly more complicated . First of all this issue is very culturally variant so The reason why women in India end up with bad man might not be same which make women in USA fall for them . But funny thing is that whatever the reason Bad guys win and nice guy loose . i wrote a long post about it some year back . you might wanna read it http://knowprashant.blogspot.in/2009/12/nice-guy-syndrome.html
    lets discuss it once you have read it :)

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    1. what a "wow" Post! All the while i was reading it, I was able to relate it to the guys who seemed secure but in a not so secure way! And there were Strategists as well to dodge, and so many hurdles in the way. As you said we all evolve as humans, and hence our way of looking at things too.

      So while we women subconsciously calculate who is who sometimes decision is based on intuitions. And when we go for what we see over the surface, we tend to get robbed- that is why they say men change after marriage/commitment. While in the case of bad guys it is WYSWYG, of course deeply we expect something good in them that is not visible otherwise.

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    2. " While in the case of bad guys it is WYSWYG "
      Salman Khan is an example here but WYS part of Salman is not attractive . He has a history of being on wrong side of law , he beats his GFs , Done drunk driving in general he is not "nice" guy in traditional sense . but he gets one hot girl after another. how ? WYG part is also consistent . Girl eventually get dumped or get beaten . I am sure their would be good time also . where he act nice but on a long time line it always shape same .
      What works for people like Salman is that (A) most women are romantics who Stupidly believe that they can transform the guy .Most of them fail . But Guy play up to this weakness and score . (B) In most societies Women don't get their sense of identity Independently . they are always daughter->GF-->wife-->Mother-->Grandmother. so the constant masculine shadow is a must . in such society when women rise in social ranks /successful they run out of potential mate . this prolonged solitude made them venerable emotionally ergo making them good target (C) very few girls are opportunistic who use it as a springboard to reach somewhere in life .

      After being witness to many such sad stories I come to believe that only way one can avoid such thing is by being self sufficient first and than get in to relationships .
      Independence First , Interdependence later . :)

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    3. (A) Yes may be beautiful or pretty ladies are over-confident that they can alter the so called bad things in a guy according to their needs. Some times there are some who do not trust what others say and go by their foolish blindfolded love interests. May be that's wt happened in Salman Khan's case. We don't know the inside story so this is just a speculation.

      B. Again as per your second point, when women are unable to find a mate suiting to their status, they may get attracted to wrong ones or get confused between chivalry and chauvinism. Bad guys show an arrogant masculinity, where women ignore arrogance before stepping into a relationship and see masculinity.
      Though there are those females as well who are very authoritative and want a guy they can rule. Extremes, in either way are bad. There should be a balance!

      c. Selecting a bad guy as an opportunity... Ummm Seems like Rahul mahajan case!

      D. There can be Fourth Case, after running from so called "strategists" and "Faking good ones" they may end up making a wrong choice in haste.

      On Independence thing- I don't think it has to do something with Independence as I have seen fiercely Independent women as the prey of domestic Violence. Was it so easy with Independence, many heart broken men would be able to move on easily. Though yes, Financial security is a must, so that one has guts to move out as and when required. One should think well in advance and should analyze things with mind and not with the so called "attraction".

      Great Analysis Prashant!

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  2. ..some deep thought here! very soulful!!

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  3. True! We women always gets attracted to a wrong guy and its a nature of guy that he cannot remain true to just one women!

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    1. Hi Numerounity. Welcome to the space first.
      I would like to correct your statement here - Its the nature of a "wrong" Guy that he can not confine himself to just one woman. I would not like to generalize the whole clan of guys. As there are goods and bads everywhere!

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  4. Would it be right to say that women merely look for safety? Or mre explicitly, for money?

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    1. Hi sir. We women have different needs in reality. We look for something that we do not have. Eg. Some look for emotional stability, some would want to see financial independence in their partner, and there are some who want fame, name, or money. Like I am sure it happens with men as well. They all want and expect different things from their prospective partners.
      Probably a decent status of a guy ensures a future security and at least a decent lifestyle. That may mean lesser compromises in terms of (woman)freedom.

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  5. bad looks more attractive ...unattainable ? but i agree with you ... but many a times women go after the bad guys and ones they get them , they try their best to make them good guys !

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    1. Yes. Bad looks easy to get, and fun to be with. I don't know whether for some its like being on a mission!
      While in long run it is unattainable giving you jitters, uncertainty, turmoils and what not!
      Hahaha. We women want to alter everything as per our requirements. Note: Requirements keep on changing with time. :P (Not all women, and not all the time) As I have been contemplating on this thing for long, I would not be telling a lie here.

      Don't you think Men try it before commitment and women do that afterwards? ;)

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Men try to change women too, but their ways are not exaggerated by the society!

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  6. A very interesting situation..Actually can we really brand guys as downright good or bad?.. I know for a fact that I can be a knight in the shining Armour and also a lazy, confused douchebag at the same time. But, well!..I guess my poor old girl must have gambled that I am a good bet after all..
    Nice post. You got me thinking here.. Shesha

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    1. There is 'bad' in 'good' and 'good' in 'bad'. So yes somewhere we can not generalize them as pure black or pure white. But I did explain wt kind of guys are more on bad sides. At the end of the day its about who suits you and whom you fall for. Sometimes both want to adjust and make an equal move to be together!

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  7. Hi Shesha.. This was a very interesting read... As a woman I have felt this attraction towards bad men so very often, but never thought that there could be a philosophy or reason behind it. I always thought that there was something wrong with my thought process... ;)

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    1. Thankyou so much Sweety. Good to know this post makes sense somewhere! :)

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  8. Nice post!
    There is a good and bad part in each one of us, no one is perfect, and it is more to do with situation and the concept of 'RELATIVITY'.
    Plus the bad boy-good girl stories have been so much around us, a frog turns into a prince as a princess kiss him. Read the other side of it, a bad boy is like a frog and if a frog can sweep a girl off her feet then he is something or he is seeking someone to make him a good man..

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    1. Wow! I totally Agree with you Shine. This is a better perspective of looking at things!!

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  9. and this is why good guys end up friend-zoned

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    1. :) There is no need to put deliberate efforts to compel someone to like you, let the magic happen on its own!

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    2. No , I mean someone says I am nice, trustworthy and I someone who is their to support you in bad times and good-times alike .I have been a shoulder to cry on as they discuss their drama on why their bad boy they're chasing is treating them like crap.
      I dont push myself ever because I don't want to risk the friendship but personally I have started thinking its mostly about having a friend who does boyfriend stuff , has an X factor and doesn't need to commit.

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    3. Ricky sometimes some people don't feel the attraction the way you feel for them. Probably there must be some girl around you who has feelings for you but you don't feel like reciprocating to her feelings. If you are certain that you have feelings for somebody, why not give it a shot! As I said, girls get attracted to the confidence, masculinity that bad boys show!

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  10. evil is attractive!
    interesting post :)

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  11. we can sum up in a way like..
    (some)woman likes a man who is a child, living in the wild!!!

    heard this saying also:
    boy to girl:
    you are good but there are better
    i am bad but there are worse.......hahhhaa

    and for the question in the last: door ke ddol suhawane hote hai/roz subah maloom hota hai ki..raat ko dekhaa jo ..wo sab khwab tha,,par fir bhi hum roz dekhate hai..

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  12. I respect what you have done here. I like the part where you say you are doing this to give back however I would expect by every one of the remarks this is working for you also. mix dofollow links

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