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Monday, January 21, 2013

Something Against Rape & Abuse...

Some time ago I was talking to Shine about the differences in the lives of girls and boys, in general. We talked about many things like We don’t hear much about the incidences of a girl abusing a guy or a guy kidnapped and gang-raped by few pervert girls! Why females seem to have more control over their senses? Even in cases of child abuse we hear the news more about male being culprits. Though, there are cases where some male-children have been sexually abused by women, but comparatively they are rare. Just because women are physically weaker, they are considered as an object by many. Even after marriage the things and rituals are imposed on women in the name of culture and tradition while their male counterparts continue to live the way they were living before.  Eg. Ghoonghat, Compulsion Sarees, Karva-Chauth etc. There are infinite.
Few years back I remember I read about a tribal woman who died soon after giving birth to a baby. Reason: she hadn’t eaten anything for last 3 days prior to her delivery. Further it was found out that in her last expectancy, she had a miscarriage. When she went for the treatment she was referred from one hospital to another as she had no money. She wandered around carrying a dead embryo in her womb for 3 days.
 That time one more incidence happened at the railway station( I don’t remember the place) where an expecting woman gave birth to a child at the station. Men there stood around her watching the Delivery Tamasha.Is this the society and culture we women are entitled to?
Why the hormones of menare not in control and those of women are in control? Why the male species of humans are governed mostly by Id? There are other means of satisfying urges, why do the sick minds spoil lives of girl child or a normal lady going home from her work?
And how would the world be if it was the other way round. If women were ogling at men, checking out their behinds, and passing lewd comments or bestowing so called appreciations, eulogies starting with “sexy”. Or some cheap lady riding a bicycle, bidi dangling from her tobacco stained lips, asking an unwary passer by “chalta kya?” (translated: "coming with me?"). If there were some reserved seats in buses and trains for men- Males trying to maintain a safe distance from women with a fear that some of them could vulgarly slide their hands over them under the crowd cover, or pinch them here and there, or keep falling over them under the pretense of a rough drive, if time was such that left male sanctity at the mercy of females. Police lined up for the security of men around the University campus. Men worrying about stepping outside till late at evening or night. Parents scared of giving births to a male child, ending up aborting them. Women asking for dowry before marrying them. Male foeticide, low male:female ratio and then villages where males were being bought to satisfy the urges of all the women in the family, or the whole village against their will...

Ravana @ red Fort.
So while things could have been other way round but they are not, can we expect some control from the people with excessive testosterone imbalances. 
I was reading an article in 'The Hindu', the popular English daily titles "Where Rape is seen as violence" by Ruchira Gupta, who is a founder of Apne Aap Women Worldwide.
She quoted, "A cruel and bizarre Idea has surfaced since the rape of the 23 year old student in Delhi- that prostitution should be legalized because 'men will be men' and hence if prostitutes will cater to the needs of men, girls from good families will not be raped." She rightly said further: it implies that  poor women should  be sexually available to protect the middle class women.
So while there is majority of sensible men who do not see rape as sex but as violence, there are some in minority who have been born and brought up in such environments where women are treated as an object by their husbands or even by the new females relations- the notorious mother and sister in laws concept is so popular in India at least that they at least must be knowing what I'm talking about. The constant insults and abuses that they themselves might have been victims of once, are lashed upon the new daughter in law. As the role reversal takes place, a monster gets created out of a tamed docile "abla nari" That is a good enough proof of how culture continues to shape psyches.
     In India, where the cases of violence against womenfolk do not seem to be abaiting even after the mass protests for what happened with Damini (name changed), there is an emerging need for male education programs- about wrong and right. I read in one of the protest posters- "If men can't control themselves they should be discouraged to go out not us(women)". Film and TV Media including the commercials could show girls in good positions in society, rising to be an equal, caring for their own parents as well as in-laws and that could encourage the population towards a more balanced sex ratio. Such films should also be carefully designed so that they don't send wrong impressions about 'what women want' in young minds. Her No doesn't mean a Yes.
Many rapes that happen with lower or lower middle class women go unregistered due to the fear of stigmatization. Some fragile voices come up but they are oppressed by the powerful ones.

P.S. I clicked this image at Red Fort. Thought of sharing it on my blog and felt it rightly portrays the beasts I talked about here.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Male education programs are badly required. These rapists and molesters do not even realise that they are committing a crime. It is a sad dichotomy that we have tough laws in place but lack of crime awareness.

    1. Though the laws are tough but implementation of laws seems even tougher. Going through a lengthy process and then shaking up the lazy law system is hell of a task. Many cases go unnoticed by either deliberate efforts of the police officials, men in power or due to withdrawals by the victims and their families. Again we can educate the lower class but teaching moral lessons to upper class involved is a hard task.

  3. Ramna was nt the beast!!!!Even Rama said to Laxman when Ravan was dying that laxman should be near Ravan's feet. I htink Laxman was asking for knowledge or something.He was 'Ahankari' which does not mean he was a devil/eveil, Even Laxman ji was ahankari !!

    1. There are many different schools of thought on this. There are hundreds of versions of Ramayan. One popular perception of Ravana is that he was evil and thats why we burn his statue every year representing victory of good over 'evil'.

  4. A very thoughtful post !

    The problem of gender discrimination which leads to sexual violence (specially in India) is more than just about hormones and education. I personally think that all this has now got incorporated in the genes through the passage of human evolution. And that's why it gets even harder to eradicate. Do read my post on this topic at :

    You have a nice blog. I'll be reading more from you.

    1. I agree with you Shobhit. Because of watching ill-treatment with women at home and lack of respect for them, bad values are imbibed in the growing minds. Also people are becoming short tempered and in fits of Rage they find this kind of revenge best.
      I would really like to go through your post, please give me some time.
      Thank you for appreciating.

  5. Its not about why men can't control their hormones (off-coarse they can control if they want to) but rather about why some men think of women as objects for their needs.

  6. It's actually really sad. Over the years, we've failed each and every time to cope up with this seems-like-never-ending fight.
    In my view, there are two ways you can tackle such a problem - before the crime and after the crime. After the crime, obviously, stricter laws and speedy trials. But in my view, that isn't the ultimate solution! I guess, these should be tackled even before the crime happening - Changing the mindsets of people, as you right pointed out. Once that happens, I think such acts won't happen.
    I feel so bad sometimes seeing a new incident every other day. It really makes me think, where have we come?
    And this isn't improving. Hear a conversation of two guys standing and a girl passing by.
    It's a mess out there!

    1. Changing the mindset can only happen over long run. In the short term stricter laws and barriers are required. I think all of us, media, govt, courts, police etc. have a role to play here. And protection of 50% of the population should never be politicized by the parties.

      I still feel because of majority of good men, and sensible and brave women the times will change.

  7. Good post!

    Did you get a chance to check the website to manage editorial calendar easily for your blog and show your editorial calendar in your blog easily (optional)
    Thanks & Regards

  8. I am still digesting the case of tribal woman and the delivery at railway station. Seriously, sometimes I feel ashamed of India. But you know the delhi gang rape case was the maximum I could stand. We need moral cleansing.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. I really feel if you love following rituals its good but one has no authority to impose them on others, when others can not take or do not want to take them!!!
      And since Female suppressors are everywhere the whole human race needs treatment. You are right. At heart of life there should be sensitivity!!!
      I will def. go through your post. Pardon me for replying late! thanks for posting your views here!


Thankyou for your feedback :)

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