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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Agony Aunts' Agonies

People often go through times of change in their relationships. Hustle and bustle of everyday life and/or emotional issues cause stress in the relationships. We all have stress in our lives, it could be job-related, financial, marital, or parental.

Are you 'the Agony Aunt' or 'the Agony Uncle' to many? Do you feel people around you need you while going through ups and downs in their personal lives? Does your advice do the magic in their lives?

According to psychological studies people who are good at solving relationship problems of others normally have difficult time in dealing with their own relationship issues. Is it really true? If it is, have you wondered why? 
While solving daily problems of your friends, family members or even acquaintances you get exposed to mental and emotional grind on everyday basis. Which is especially true if your attempts are sincere since advising without understanding the problems is a fake attempt to help. Hence, while dealing with them and giving them solutions you start living in their mess.  So a person might not be dealing with those problems in her/his personal life, but is stressed out because of the act of helping out her/his near and dear ones. Sometimes when such person deals with a personal problem in her/his own life, s/he can get in the state of denial or try to run away from that, being exposed to such things for a long time. Knowing their close ones are already having issues in their lives, a person tends to keep her/his worries with his own self instead of discussing it with others, when needed.

 It is a give and take relationship between pals and family. Discussing problems and finding out solution is a good habit to overcome stress and get a third person view on how things can be seen otherwise. So while you might be good at solving problems of your close pals, you should not think twice in taking suggestions from others when you need to. Always make sure you talk to them when you need rather than keeping yourself locked up inside.

While discussing your problems with anyone always remember a few things, do not discuss how much the world sucks and how bad people can be, but the possibilities on how to cope up with them if you really want to be in it.Try to reach the most practical person around you or else you can share it with more than one person and take the advice that suits you best.

Gloomy pals can give you pessimistic views and worsen the scenario. Try to approach the ones who are in a happy phase of their lives.

Take some time out for yourself and for soul retreat. Do things that make you happy. If more than one person is going through a problem around you- your mind needs rest and if you are tranquil then only you can help others in the best way and live your life too.
Having a girls time out or men time with your pals is a good and healthy practice. Do not isolate yourself while being in stress else it can turn into depression.

Enjoy your lives and bust stress!

Image Courtesy: Google


  1. This is so true, at times while giving advice to someone, we get so engrossed in their problems that we start to feel that we are a part of the entire issue. Nice observation, and an enlightening post :)

  2. wanna quote Rumi Saab here...
    'All my talk was madness, filled with dos and don'ts. For ages I knocked on a door-when it opened I found that I was knocking from the inside!"
    discussion with other like-minded persons is important but discussion with SELF is more important...generally what we do, we listen to Self very well but find difficulty in saying something to Self.
    'Agony Aunts' Agonies'.....title tag is catchy enough to portray the sidelined emotions you talk about in the post.

    1. Thank you Pratibh. Yes sometimes we talk to ourselves but when a person is facing problems for long her/his mind denies to cooperate and the social sense or say sense to see the things with holistic approach vanishes. We then need somebody from outside to give us a new perspective to look at the things with a practical approach!

  3. Talking with close ones helps. I agree when you said, we create a own mess when we solve someone's problem but that happens when you are confused yourself or try to scrutinize your relations after hearing a story. I don't agree that those who are agony aunts/uncles have tough time dealing with their own problems.

    1. Yes Saru, I had a similar view before. After hearing and reading so many quotes and updates on the same, I was compelled to contemplate and find the reason if at all it happens with some of us.
      If my girls are going through a series of problems and i am the one solving them out, I might not share my stuff with them to not to disturb them more. Hence I tried to find the possibilities if it happens then why it happens.

      We might be Agony Aunts to many but there is someone who is Agony Aunt/Uncle to us. Like one of my friend quoted- "if that was not the case then No cardiologist would die of heart attack , All Coaches will be Excellent Olympic Athlete and All Computer science Professor will be Excellent Software engineers ."


Thankyou for your feedback :)

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